Why Our Words Are More Powerful Than We Realize

I feel gutted this morning. I lost a friend. Someone who made me laugh until my sides hurt. Someone who taught me about life and love and how to walk in the world through the body of work he left behind as his legacy. Someone who made me realize you can seemingly have everything: fame, fortune and family, but that it's meaningless if you can't find the light in the darkness.

The funniest part is, I only met this person once and for about two whole minutes, but it left a lifetime impression. I was a teenager, and my friends and I would often spend our Friday nights at The Improv on Melrose in Hollywood, and often the bouncer would tell us we had just missed seeing my favorite comedian, Robin Williams. But one night, as we arrived, the bouncer told me I was in luck and pointed to a man standing on the staircase landing talking to someone. There he was, and I excitedly ran to the base of the stairs and called his name. He looked down in surprise and when I curled my finger, summoning him to come down, he was amused and obliged. I gushed, "I've come here every week hoping to meet you and I'm so excited you're finally here." He said, "That's so nice. What's your name?" I told him "Robin" and as he shook my hand he smiled and said, with classic Robin Williams delivery, "Really? Mine too."

I would see him one other time in my life. I worked in development at Hollywood Pictures on the Disney lot. One day we heard that Robin Williams was coming on the lot to have a meeting that afternoon with Michael Eisner. My office faced out from the Team Disney building onto the walkway leading up to the building, and from there I could see Robin walking down the path. My friend and I grabbed Sharpies and copy paper and wrote in huge letters "WE LOVE YOU ROBIN!!" and held up the sign in the window where he could see us. He laughed and gave a thumbs up. If Eisner wanted my head to roll over it, so be it, but this was Robin Williams. And there are few people like that in this world that touch us to the core of our souls in the way that he did, to the point where the lines are blurred that we don't actually know them because they feel so deeply embedded in our hearts and our lives.

Which brings me back to the real point of this post: that our words are more powerful than we realize. When we write a story, particularly one rich with painful experiences and imperfect characters, one never knows who is going to read those words and carry them in his/her heart forever. And it's not just the deep, dramatic, issue-driven stories I'm talking about here - laughter is a powerful a form of medicine too. It could be words of empathy and understanding lifted from the pages that may help someone through another day. A belly laugh when someone needed it most, or a ray of light in a time of personal darkness. A sense that someone understands us. Because at the end of the day, we are all human. Our collective universal life experience is one filled with highs and lows, tragedy and comedy. Despite what we share, it's not difficult to feel alone or overwhelmed. The great irony is that someone like Robin Williams, who made so many laugh and feel things deeply through his words and actions, was light for so many as he quietly battled the demons of darkness. The legacy he leaves behind is pure gold, which is why a nation, if not the whole world, grieves so deeply and aches at his loss. Let your words be the light. You never know how much they may resonate to someone.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

If there's one thing I've learned in life it's that change is inevitable. Except, of course, from a vending machine. Sometimes it happens to us: we get fired, our best friend moves away, our favorite pair of jeans somehow shrinks in the wash and we're forced to go up a size. Sometimes we initiate it: we decide something is no longer working, no longer fits or feels right, and maybe we want something different.

Every now and then it's good to shake up the snow globe. When we give it a good shake, the pieces redistribute and resettle. For awhile there's sheer chaos in the globe - bits of sparkle madly swirling, trying to figure out where to land. Life can be like that too. When you cut bait with what is familiar and comfortable and safe it is only then that you truly get to see what you're capable of. Because nothing big can happen without taking a few risks. They may not always work in your favor, but you'll never know unless you dig in deep, have a little faith and go for it.

I've worked really hard these last few years at my writing. I've learned about my craft through workshops, conferences and reading great (and bad) books. I've met incredible writers, agents and editors who have offered me brilliant advice and feedback along the way. I've written three novels and have several others in progress or in zygote idea form waiting to germinate. And best of all, winning second runner-up at this year's SCBWI LA Spring Writers Day in the category of Best Young Adult Novel for my new manuscript, REBEL WITHOUT A CLUE (formerly titled HANK KIRBY) feels like validation that I'm on the right path.

As in all aspects of life, at different stages we need different things. I've learned a lot about who I am as a writer, what I need and want from this experience, and I've decided to shake up my personal snow globe a little and see where the pieces land. Right now everything is indeed sparkly chaos, but it's also very exciting.

Stay tuned. :)

The Post In Which I Dish All About The Much Younger Man I've Been Spending My Time With

Hello? Anybody out there? *blows dust bunnies off blog* Oh, there you are! Yes, I haven't been here in a while and it looks like the spiderwebs have taken over, but nothing a little spring...er,summer, cleaning won't do.

You see, 2014 has been quite a year. Between family health dramas, unplanned home remodels due to water leaks, thus displacing me and my computer mid-novel, and my son dealing with a shooting at his college and the loss of a friend, it's been more "write what you know" material than I could ask for in a lifetime. But sometimes when the volume is turned up, it acts as an interesting catalyst to make the time you otherwise might not for the things that are really important to you.

In my case, that was finishing my latest YA contemporary novel, REBEL WITHOUT A CLUE. And naturally, I wrote this when I was supposed to be revising another novel, but often that's the way these things go. Rule #1 of writing: Never fight the muse.

So what's it about? Glad you asked! When 17-year-old Hank Kirby's attempt to ask a girl to Prom by lighting sparklers on her lawn literally goes up in flames, he attracts the attention of a very different girl, Peyton, a brooding loner and budding pyromaniac with some dark secrets of her own, who admires his handiwork and thinks he's a kindred spirit.

I LOVE this novel, these characters, this story, and I hope that one day they will be out in the world to share with readers too. This book just flowed out of me, as if the story demanded to be told, and the characters themselves told me where the story was going. I did not outline at all. Not that this is unusual for me - I am indeed a total pantser (but so is Stephen King and he's doing all right) but this went above and beyond the normal way I write. Usually, I have some idea where things are going, but there were twists and turns and all the feels moments I didn't even see coming until I wrote them, and that's when you know deep in your gut that you might be on to something good. I got some encouragement that I might be on the right track when REBEL WITHOUT A CLUE (then titled HANK KIRBY) recently won second runner-up for Best Young Adult Novel at the Los Angeles SCBWI Spring 2014 Writers Day, which was beyond awesome.

This is a novel about friendship and loss and second chances. It's about finding the friends that understand you and get your crazy and about the places where we're broken. The older I get, the more I appreciate the value of those friendships of the heart with those people who saw the flaws and loved me despite them. The people who stuck around. The people who knew just what to say and when to say nothing at all. But most of all, this book was inspired by my understanding through the events of my life that darkness is merely a temporary absence of the light.

Of course, just because you finish writing a novel doesn't mean it's really done. Some could argue a novel is never really done, even after it is published, as the writer can always go back in and find little things to tweak and change. From here, I get feedback from critique partners and fellow writer friends, I dive back into revisions and the process begins anew until it is ready to go out on submission to editors. That could take anywhere from a few months to over a year. It's really hard to say.

Fingers crossed in the meantime that this is the one, and that you will get a chance to meet Hank and Peyton and all the other quirky characters very soon!

Using NaNoWriMo To Stoke Your Creative Fires

Aaaah...November. The leaves change to rich hues of orange, red and gold until they drop off the trees completely, the Pumpkin Spice latte gives way to the Gingerbread one, and the sweaters and boots come out of hiding. It's also the month where, if you're a writer, you feel the nagging push to get your #%&! together and start working on that novel.

The beauty of NaNoWriMo is that you are given permission to write complete and utter crapola. It is a draft, and the objective is quantity, as in words, not quality. That comes later, when you have the bones down and then at a later date you can sift through the detritus and find how to actually turn it into something worth reading. People form online groups, they meet in coffee shops and libraries nationwide, and cheer each other on with daily word count updates. It's a feeling like no other, knowing you are deep in the trenches with your fellow writers, cranking out those words and feeling the love.

For some, they start a whole new project, but for others, it may be just the spark they needed to kick a revision into high gear. This year is the first year I'm actually participating in NaNoWriMo, and I'm working on a revision of my latest novel. It's really kept me on task knowing I have to report in, and I'm really grateful for the focus it has offered me. When I see my peers posting their word counts and hitting goal, it makes me strive to work harder, to focus more, to stop playing Candy Crush Saga and just make it through the end of the next chapter.

I believe the hardest part of the writing journey is getting started. The freedom that NaNoWriMo offers, even if it's purely psychological, that you can write pure drivel and it just doesn't matter, that this is for YOU, teaches us more than we realize. It teaches us to be disciplined, to write daily, to revise later when we know where the story is truly going, to forgive ourselves for writing imperfectly out of the gate, and to celebrate meeting our goals and feeling satisfaction in the smaller achievements instead of just focusing on the long term ones.

It's not like we need a November to roll around as our excuse to do this though. We should allow ourselves this gift every month and to remember how freeing it feels to write with such freedom to make mistakes. In the end, what matters is that we are writing.

Finding Your Writing Mojo

I know what you're thinking about now. Where the hell have you been? Did you slip off the face of the Earth? Join the witness protection program? What's the deal?

The answer is not anything too exciting, really. I've just been enjoying these last days with my son before he leaves for college, and trying to soak up the ones with my youngest as well, as his imminent departure has shown me how quickly those moments fly by. Admittedly, it has been a wonderful distraction. It has helped me ignore that for the last year I have completely lost my mojo somewhere under the couch and I can't seem to find it, like a lost sock or my cell phone when it's on silent.

Trying to write when the mojo is not there is like forcing a square peg into a round hole. It just doesn't work. Believe me, I tried. I've had many great ideas, but figuring out how to turn them into full-on stories has remained elusive. And it seemed like every time I would get a burst of creativity, some life event would happen that would pull my attention away like a squirrel to something shiny. But then, this summer, something amazing happened. A friend was working on a TV pilot, and offered me the opportunity to sit in the writer's room and watch as it unfolded from outline to screenplay. What was supposed to be an afternoon sitting in as a casual observer turned into a week of hands-on writing, brainstorming and learning more than I ever could have in a classroom, and as a result, this Stella got her groove back.

It's amazing how a little dose of creativity, even if it's not for your own work, can go a long way in infusing you with unbridled passion to dive in anew. I left that experience ready to tackle the stories I'd been kicking around, to sit down and outline them and see what was there, and to rediscover my writing routine and make things happen.

Although I'm not going as an actual attendee this year, I am going to the SCBWI Writer's Conference this weekend, and am looking forward to being in the company of "my people". There is something so inspiring and motivating about being around people who love to do what you do, and to hear their stories from the trenches and know that you are not alone. Though at times it can feel intimidating as you see others rise the ladder to publication while you are still treading water in the kiddie pool, writers are a really accepting, encouraging bunch. I never fail to leave there ready to roll, confident in my abilities, and I am hoping this time will be no exception.

The most important thing to remind yourself of if you find you hit a writing slump is: It's not over. You are still a writer. There is a definitive ebb and flow to the process, and you have to embrace it. And you will write far more bad stories than good ones, especially in the beginning. The most important thing is to keep writing. And if you lose that mojo, don't stop looking for it. It's probably just under the couch cushion with the loose change and the stray M&M's.

When The Words Flow More Like "Whine" Than "Wine"...

Undoubtedly, there are few things that compare with the natural euphoric high that is being in the "zone" when you're writing. The words are flowing, the dialogue is snappy, the plot twists make you bite your own nails while you're writing, you're head over heels in love with your main characters and you've mentally started writing the acknowledgements of the book in your head because you just know this is THE ONE.

And then....it happens. Life gets in the way. There's errands, and dishes and school concerts and book reports and all sorts of life dramas that make you pull your focus. You take a little break. Maybe a day. Maybe a week. Maybe a year. You go back and reread those words, and suddenly, your book has so many holes it could be mistaken for an old piece of swiss cheese. And those characters? You can't stand them. They are far too predictable, their dilemmas unrealistic, and maybe they are even downright unlikable. What seemed charming now seems contrived.

Back to square one.

Maybe you rework what you've got, try and discover in round two what the real story is. Maybe you put it aside and work on something else entirely. Maybe you get fifteen pages down the road on that new thing and then realize you don;t know where this is going and start something else. Or you pull out an old project and try with all the urgency of an EMT to pump life back into its lungs.

And sometimes...despite your best efforts...ya got nothing.

The truth is, when your mind is firing on all cylinders and nothing is hitting, sometimes the best thing you can do is regroup. Just because you stop writing momentarily, it does not mean you are no longer a writer. Often, people who are not writers themselves do not really understand the creative process. They think it's really not that hard to tell a story, so what's the big deal to sit down and pump out 200+ pages. Creativity is not something you can just flip on and off like a light switch. Some days, the ideas are never-ending, and when you have one of those days, I hope you are near a pad and a pen. But others...well, others not so much. Some days the muse is out for lunch with her girlfriends, and even doing the laundry looks more inviting than sitting down with that blinking cursor on a blank page. Some days the whole process is overwhelming and intimidating, and you feel like you will never churn out a single new idea. Here are my suggestions of several ways to deal with THOSE days in the hopes that you will soon reel in that muse and keep the ball rolling:

STOP READING PUBLISHER'S MARKETPLACE
Yes, I said it. One of the worst things you can do when you are feeling in a writing lull and trying to recapture your mojo is read about the latest sales. This will probably only serve to make you feel more frustrated by the process. While I think it's good to be on top if the market, you do not want sales to be a false indicator of what you should be writing and make you feel pressured to write it. Also, seeing a story sell that is similar to something you are writing or want to write may serve to sabotage you from continuing with the project. The odds are: that story is completely different and you will have your own unique spin on things. There are a gajillion books out there that may have similar storylines - it's what YOUR take is on it that makes it stand out as a fresh take. Don't be distracted.

GO TO A WRITING WORKSHOP, OR AT LEAST HAVE COFFEE WITH SOME WRITER FRIENDS
Even if you are between projects and feel like you have nothing new to contribute, keep in the game by surrounding yourself with people who love to write. Their passion is infectious, guaranteed, and may serve to help jump-start your creativity and remind you that you really do have what it takes. Conferences are the best because the odds are you will meet tons of people that have traveled many different roads to get where they are and some of them may surprise you in how long their journey has taken. It may infuse in you just the right amount of hope to help you keep moving forward. This is rarely an overnight success story. You will find that for most writers, it can take years. To think you will be the exception is certainly wonderful, as long as you're not disappointed if you turn out to be like the majority of us.

TAKE A SOCIAL MEDIA VACATION
Confession: the real reason I spend so much time on Facebook has nothing to do with people. Honestly, I have developed a procrastination addiction to Solitaire Blitz and Candy Crush Saga like nobody's business. It's a great release for me. What stresses me out is when I start to read everyone's statuses. I'm friends with lots of writers on Facebook and Twitter, as I'm sure many of you are as well. Most days, I'm happy to see their statuses, learn about their new projects and happily give a "like" to their latest moment of sharing their success. But some days it's like rubbing salt in a wound. I know you know what I'm talking about. On those "pity party of one" days, the best thing to do is stay away from social media, or at least temporarily hide the feeds of the people who you know it will be difficult to read at that time. You are not "de-friending" them; you are taking care of yourself. When you are in a better space, you can put everything back to normal, but some days reading a steady stream of everyone else's good news when you are longing for some yourself isn't healthy or helpful.

READ LIKE A MADWOMAN (OR MADMAN)
If you can't be writing, spend your time reading within the genre in which you like to write. Nothing is more inspiring than reading really great quality writing, or a story with a similar theme to the one you hope to tell and see how another author handles it. As I have said in the past, you can also learn from really bad writing. And one of the greatest gifts of all? When you can read multiple books by one author you may particularly like and see with your own eyes that some are better than others. Even published authors can be inconsistent. Case in point: there is a YA author that I absolutely LOVE and I have devoured all her books. I was beyond excited for her latest offering, which honestly? I found kinda "meh". Great story on the flap, but the characters were pretty one dimensional, the story was too light and way too predictable, and all in all it was a disappointment. But it was wonderful because it showed me she's human, and that even though we may write several really great books, we are allowed to write ones that aren't so great too. And it will happen. But at the end of the day, it's all good because we're still writing.

BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
When the words don't come, we may get upset with ourselves. We feel like we've stalled out or failed somehow. There is no clock here. No race. Take care of your body and in turn you will take care of your brain. Taking time to meditate and de-stress, to eat well instead of pure crap, to take walks and think about ideas, to treat the in-between days as remembering the real priorities - enjoying your life, your family, etc. Because without your health, all else suffers, and when we feel like we are falling short of our personal goals, the stress level inevitably skyrockets. In the quiet moments, the words will come. They may even come during the chaotic ones, but know that eventually...they WILL come.

If you are like me, writing has never been a choice. It's just what you do, who you are since as far back as you can remember. Don't let the pressure to get published, the need to deliver "what sells", or the competition of your peers making sales while you are still waiting for your big break let that self-doubt settle in the cracks and dash your mojo. It will come back. Have faith it will come back. If you are that distracted by other things, then what you write would probably not be your best work anyhow, and perhaps it is life's way of making you temporarily shift your focus. But just as you need to breathe and eat, so you will also need to write again. It's just what we do.

The Blog Post About How The Path To Publication and College Acceptances Are Not Really All That Different

Writing a novel and having it out on submission, waiting for a magical acceptance, is not unlike the whole college application process. I say this with personal knowledge, as I have just undergone both in the last year, though the latter was for my son, but both processes are not for the faint of heart and carry with them equal highs and lows, excitement and heartbreak.

You see, your book is like your child too. You've created it, nurtured it along, infused it with essential elements and love, and released it to the world, hoping it can stand on its own two feet and that the world will be kind to it, celebrating its strengths and rewarding it accordingly. You can lock on to any agent or publisher (or college) and think: this is it! This is the one. Life would be so fantastic if this opportunity was the one that came through. And with each rejection, each let down, its as if air is going out of the balloon. It was hard enough to go through this kind of scrutiny with my own book, but watching my child go through this agonizing process was debilitating, especially when you see other books (or people) get through the gates you want to burst through. It can't help but feel personal, and make one wonder why their best wasn't good enough for some.

But just as is so for college, it is true for publishing: There is a place for everyone. There is an audience for everyone. And the place you think you want to be may not be the best place for you at the end of the day in this period of time. It doesn't mean it's forever out of reach, it just means you might have to do things a little differently in order to get there. And above all, it doesn't mean you've failed. The universe works in mysterious ways, and often in retrospect we can see why things unfolded the way they did and how we benefited from it in the long run. As my grandmother used to say, "the delay is never the denial."

We are so hung up on prestige in this world. The prestigious publisher vs the small house that may actually give the author or the book more attention. The bigshot agent with an impressive roster vs. the lesser-known one with less clients who may actually take more time to work with us. The fancy college vs. the lesser known one with the better program and smaller classes with greater opportunity to get hands-on. When we don't get what we want, we quickly can lose sight of the real achievements in play; the fact that YOU WROTE A NOVEL! Not something everyone can do. That you queried and found someone who believed in you and your work and wanted to try and help you sell it. That a publisher believed in your story and felt it deserved a place on the shelves. Or that you got into a college, not something everyone can achieve. The hard work, the perseverance, the opportunity . . . these are the things that matter, not the forum in which they see fruition. We get out of things what we put into them, and if they don't play out according to the script in our heads, we can let it defeat us or define us. The choice remains ours. We are not as powerless as we may think in that moment.

Life is about learning, and all of these moments of not getting what we want are the true opportunities for growth, experience, and pushing us forward, should we choose to accept the challenge, to work harder. The path may not be what we expected, but it does not mean that the rewards we want cannot be ours for the taking if we continue to persevere. Embrace YOUR path. See where it takes you, and don't let the path others are on distract you from the view on yours.