Being On Submission (a.k.a. Thank you Costco for 2-Pack Bulk Nutella)

So REBEL WITHOUT A CLUE is out there in the inboxes of some of the most amazing editors in New York City, and I'm hoping the perfect editor falls in love with Hank and Peyton and all the other crazy characters. However, I'm here to tell you that when Tom Petty said "The waiting is the hardest part" he wasn't kidding. I'm not gonna lie: having a book on submission to editors and waiting to hear back is not for the faint of heart. It's a l-o-n-g process, filled with lots of nail biting, inbox refreshing, Nutella-straight-out-of-the-jar eating complemented by the occasional Happy Hour of Gilmore Girls on Netflix marathon for distraction. Because this part of the process can take aywhere from days to months, my friends, and there really isn't a whole lot you can do about it.

Oddly, I am much calmer about this part of the process than the agent search, despite the Nutella eating, because lets be real, I do that anyway. Somehow an agent search feels so much more personal. An agent is not only evaluating your work, but your future potential, your whole package, your body of work, both written and unwritten, and it's a very personal relationship, much like a marriage. At this stage of the game, things seem more black and white. An editor loves your story, or they don't. They feel it has issues that need fixing and they have a vision to get it there or they feel they are not the best fit for it. His/her publishing imprint is looking for books just like yours or they already have something similar. In short, things that you cannot control. At all. And there's something very freeing in finding that right representative to take the reins, trust in their expertise and knowledge of knowing where it might generate the most interest, and letting go. I believe I've found that kind of championing partner in my new agent, Leigh Feldman, and I have the absolute faith that if she can't find REBEL a home, no one can. Honestly, when she offered representation, I thought it had to be a mistake. :) I was so nervous, and in fact, I think my exact words to her were "I'm shaking," to which she replied, "Why, are you cold?" She's witty, and smart and all-around amazing, and I feel so lucky every day to be working with her.

In the end, it all comes down to faith and trust. Faith that you've written something good/funny/important/poignant, trust that you are partnered with someone who shares your excitement about your work and is as passionate about it finding its way into the world as you are, and the underlying belief that the delay is never the denial. That while there are plenty of "I sold my book in six days" stories, history has shown you that your story is different, and not to get rattled when results don't come immediately. Everything comes in its own time.

In the meantime, I'm busy at work researching everything from funeral homes and embalming procedures to Indian cooking and the Food Network and plotting my next novel. I'm sure if anyone saw my cache right now they would be hella confused, but I absolutely can't wait to write this next story :) It promises to be pretty hilarious. It's also a great distraction from agonizing over who may or may not have responded today and potentially put me one step closer to my life's dream coming true. And the reality is, once the book sells, while that's awesome and confetti-toss-worthy, I've got to be writing the next one and the next one after that, digging deep and finding all the crazy, funny stories rattling around inside my brain and helping them find their way onto paper. Or into a Word doc. Whatever.

In the meantime, writer friends, just FYI: Costco sells two-packs of giant sized Nutella bottles for about 8-1/2 dollars just rows from where they sell those super-comfy yoga pants. Coincidence? I think not.

Darkest Before The Dawn

Last we spoke, I was busy shaking up my personal snowglobe and making a few changes, but I didn't really get into what they were. But the truth is, what was really happening is I was digging deep. I had to sit with myself and figure out how badly I wanted this writing dream, how much I believed in myself and my work, and my ability to find the right connection with someone who could help me get the other half of the way there. So I made a really scary decision. I decided to leave my then agent and start from ground zero with my shiny new project, querying all over again. Leaving your agent when you are unpublished in search of a new one is absolutely terrifying, I'm not gonna lie. You've worked so hard just to get them in the first place, and then you choose to walk away? But it's a partnership, and sometimes, like in other types of partnerships, one person or the other needs change.

I started querying. At first 5-10, then another few, and eventually I just threw a whole bunch of them out there, because what exactly was I waiting for, really? Querying takes forever, sometimes months until you can hear back, and I already felt like I'd wasted a lot of precious time. Several writer friends offered up referrals to agents they knew, as well as their own. And within 72 hours of starting to query, I had amassed 11 full requests and 2 partials. It went like this, up and down, over the course of the next two and a half months. One would reject, and just as quickly, another would request. And suddenly names were showing up in my inbox that I couldn't believe were requesting my book.

But despite the constant amount of requests (by the end I'd had an amazing 26 full requests and 4 partials and then 3 more full requests when I pulled the query from people who wanted to know if they could still see it and throw their hat in the ring), a funny thing hapened. Self doubt started to creep in. Crazy, right? So much interest, so much activity, but yet also so much silence. It was deafening. Because if you work in publishing or if you are a writer, you know that this business moves at a snail's pace, and it is not at all uncommon to wait months until you hear back from agents or editors on a manuscript. And I'm not gonna lie: I'm an impatient girl. It's like I was sinking deeper and deeper into some sort of emotional quicksand, until it felt like it could envelop me whole, feeling like maybe despite all this interest, they will all come back no. My writer friends tried to boost me up, to reassure me this kind of attention was unusual and something had to happen, but I'd crossed a threshhold of sorts in that silence where I had started to lose faith. And the one piece that kept me going was a nugget from my friend Nadine, who said to me with each rejection, "If that train doesn't stop at your station, it was never your train."

And then, the morning after the worst day, the one where I just kept hitting refresh on my inbox to the point of carpal tunnel syndrome, it happened. I woke up and had an email from my top choice agent, Leigh Feldman, asking if I could talk at some point this week. Surely she must have mixed me up with someone else. I'd only sent her the full manuscript 5 days prior and now here she was, wanting to talk. Because agents don't usually call you unless they are actually interested. And frankly, until I talked to her on the phone and she mentioned the title of my book, I was not entirely unconvinced she'd mixed me up with someone else and written to me by mistake.

Once she offered, I had to send out Offer of Representation letters to the 16 remaining agents who had the full at that time and also the 3 with partials, plus all who had the query so they would not waste time reading it. As I said, a few more wrote back with interest, a partial was upgraded to a full, and thus began the most crazy insane week of my life. Fast forward to say that it concluded with three offers of representation from three equally unbelievable agents, any of whom would have been absolutely incredible to work with and were so passionate about the project. Ultimately, I chose Leigh. My admiration of Leigh goes way back to when I queried my first novel BAND GEEK. Plus, she was the first to offer, which does mean something in my book when someone reads and knows they love something. She's so sharp, and has such great enthusiasm and vision and to be honest, as I told her, she had me at hello.

I feel incredibly blessed, and despite how unbearably painful it was to feel at the time, I'm even thankful for the lowest moments. They serve as a constant reminder that everything can change overnight, and that there's truth to that old saying "It's darkest before the dawn."

Why Our Words Are More Powerful Than We Realize

I feel gutted this morning. I lost a friend. Someone who made me laugh until my sides hurt. Someone who taught me about life and love and how to walk in the world through the body of work he left behind as his legacy. Someone who made me realize you can seemingly have everything: fame, fortune and family, but that it's meaningless if you can't find the light in the darkness.

The funniest part is, I only met this person once and for about two whole minutes, but it left a lifetime impression. I was a teenager, and my friends and I would often spend our Friday nights at The Improv on Melrose in Hollywood, and often the bouncer would tell us we had just missed seeing my favorite comedian, Robin Williams. But one night, as we arrived, the bouncer told me I was in luck and pointed to a man standing on the staircase landing talking to someone. There he was, and I excitedly ran to the base of the stairs and called his name. He looked down in surprise and when I curled my finger, summoning him to come down, he was amused and obliged. I gushed, "I've come here every week hoping to meet you and I'm so excited you're finally here." He said, "That's so nice. What's your name?" I told him "Robin" and as he shook my hand he smiled and said, with classic Robin Williams delivery, "Really? Mine too."

I would see him one other time in my life. I worked in development at Hollywood Pictures on the Disney lot. One day we heard that Robin Williams was coming on the lot to have a meeting that afternoon with Michael Eisner. My office faced out from the Team Disney building onto the walkway leading up to the building, and from there I could see Robin walking down the path. My friend and I grabbed Sharpies and copy paper and wrote in huge letters "WE LOVE YOU ROBIN!!" and held up the sign in the window where he could see us. He laughed and gave a thumbs up. If Eisner wanted my head to roll over it, so be it, but this was Robin Williams. And there are few people like that in this world that touch us to the core of our souls in the way that he did, to the point where the lines are blurred that we don't actually know them because they feel so deeply embedded in our hearts and our lives.

Which brings me back to the real point of this post: that our words are more powerful than we realize. When we write a story, particularly one rich with painful experiences and imperfect characters, one never knows who is going to read those words and carry them in his/her heart forever. And it's not just the deep, dramatic, issue-driven stories I'm talking about here - laughter is a powerful a form of medicine too. It could be words of empathy and understanding lifted from the pages that may help someone through another day. A belly laugh when someone needed it most, or a ray of light in a time of personal darkness. A sense that someone understands us. Because at the end of the day, we are all human. Our collective universal life experience is one filled with highs and lows, tragedy and comedy. Despite what we share, it's not difficult to feel alone or overwhelmed. The great irony is that someone like Robin Williams, who made so many laugh and feel things deeply through his words and actions, was light for so many as he quietly battled the demons of darkness. The legacy he leaves behind is pure gold, which is why a nation, if not the whole world, grieves so deeply and aches at his loss. Let your words be the light. You never know how much they may resonate to someone.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

If there's one thing I've learned in life it's that change is inevitable. Except, of course, from a vending machine. Sometimes it happens to us: we get fired, our best friend moves away, our favorite pair of jeans somehow shrinks in the wash and we're forced to go up a size. Sometimes we initiate it: we decide something is no longer working, no longer fits or feels right, and maybe we want something different.

Every now and then it's good to shake up the snow globe. When we give it a good shake, the pieces redistribute and resettle. For awhile there's sheer chaos in the globe - bits of sparkle madly swirling, trying to figure out where to land. Life can be like that too. When you cut bait with what is familiar and comfortable and safe it is only then that you truly get to see what you're capable of. Because nothing big can happen without taking a few risks. They may not always work in your favor, but you'll never know unless you dig in deep, have a little faith and go for it.

I've worked really hard these last few years at my writing. I've learned about my craft through workshops, conferences and reading great (and bad) books. I've met incredible writers, agents and editors who have offered me brilliant advice and feedback along the way. I've written three novels and have several others in progress or in zygote idea form waiting to germinate. And best of all, winning second runner-up at this year's SCBWI LA Spring Writers Day in the category of Best Young Adult Novel for my new manuscript, REBEL WITHOUT A CLUE (formerly titled HANK KIRBY) feels like validation that I'm on the right path.

As in all aspects of life, at different stages we need different things. I've learned a lot about who I am as a writer, what I need and want from this experience, and I've decided to shake up my personal snow globe a little and see where the pieces land. Right now everything is indeed sparkly chaos, but it's also very exciting.

Stay tuned. :)

The Post In Which I Dish All About The Much Younger Man I've Been Spending My Time With

Hello? Anybody out there? *blows dust bunnies off blog* Oh, there you are! Yes, I haven't been here in a while and it looks like the spiderwebs have taken over, but nothing a little spring...er,summer, cleaning won't do.

You see, 2014 has been quite a year. Between family health dramas, unplanned home remodels due to water leaks, thus displacing me and my computer mid-novel, and my son dealing with a shooting at his college and the loss of a friend, it's been more "write what you know" material than I could ask for in a lifetime. But sometimes when the volume is turned up, it acts as an interesting catalyst to make the time you otherwise might not for the things that are really important to you.

In my case, that was finishing my latest YA contemporary novel, REBEL WITHOUT A CLUE. And naturally, I wrote this when I was supposed to be revising another novel, but often that's the way these things go. Rule #1 of writing: Never fight the muse.

So what's it about? Glad you asked! When 17-year-old Hank Kirby's attempt to ask a girl to Prom by lighting sparklers on her lawn literally goes up in flames, he attracts the attention of a very different girl, Peyton, a brooding loner and budding pyromaniac with some dark secrets of her own, who admires his handiwork and thinks he's a kindred spirit.

I LOVE this novel, these characters, this story, and I hope that one day they will be out in the world to share with readers too. This book just flowed out of me, as if the story demanded to be told, and the characters themselves told me where the story was going. I did not outline at all. Not that this is unusual for me - I am indeed a total pantser (but so is Stephen King and he's doing all right) but this went above and beyond the normal way I write. Usually, I have some idea where things are going, but there were twists and turns and all the feels moments I didn't even see coming until I wrote them, and that's when you know deep in your gut that you might be on to something good. I got some encouragement that I might be on the right track when REBEL WITHOUT A CLUE (then titled HANK KIRBY) recently won second runner-up for Best Young Adult Novel at the Los Angeles SCBWI Spring 2014 Writers Day, which was beyond awesome.

This is a novel about friendship and loss and second chances. It's about finding the friends that understand you and get your crazy and about the places where we're broken. The older I get, the more I appreciate the value of those friendships of the heart with those people who saw the flaws and loved me despite them. The people who stuck around. The people who knew just what to say and when to say nothing at all. But most of all, this book was inspired by my understanding through the events of my life that darkness is merely a temporary absence of the light.

Of course, just because you finish writing a novel doesn't mean it's really done. Some could argue a novel is never really done, even after it is published, as the writer can always go back in and find little things to tweak and change. From here, I get feedback from critique partners and fellow writer friends, I dive back into revisions and the process begins anew until it is ready to go out on submission to editors. That could take anywhere from a few months to over a year. It's really hard to say.

Fingers crossed in the meantime that this is the one, and that you will get a chance to meet Hank and Peyton and all the other quirky characters very soon!

Using NaNoWriMo To Stoke Your Creative Fires

Aaaah...November. The leaves change to rich hues of orange, red and gold until they drop off the trees completely, the Pumpkin Spice latte gives way to the Gingerbread one, and the sweaters and boots come out of hiding. It's also the month where, if you're a writer, you feel the nagging push to get your #%&! together and start working on that novel.

The beauty of NaNoWriMo is that you are given permission to write complete and utter crapola. It is a draft, and the objective is quantity, as in words, not quality. That comes later, when you have the bones down and then at a later date you can sift through the detritus and find how to actually turn it into something worth reading. People form online groups, they meet in coffee shops and libraries nationwide, and cheer each other on with daily word count updates. It's a feeling like no other, knowing you are deep in the trenches with your fellow writers, cranking out those words and feeling the love.

For some, they start a whole new project, but for others, it may be just the spark they needed to kick a revision into high gear. This year is the first year I'm actually participating in NaNoWriMo, and I'm working on a revision of my latest novel. It's really kept me on task knowing I have to report in, and I'm really grateful for the focus it has offered me. When I see my peers posting their word counts and hitting goal, it makes me strive to work harder, to focus more, to stop playing Candy Crush Saga and just make it through the end of the next chapter.

I believe the hardest part of the writing journey is getting started. The freedom that NaNoWriMo offers, even if it's purely psychological, that you can write pure drivel and it just doesn't matter, that this is for YOU, teaches us more than we realize. It teaches us to be disciplined, to write daily, to revise later when we know where the story is truly going, to forgive ourselves for writing imperfectly out of the gate, and to celebrate meeting our goals and feeling satisfaction in the smaller achievements instead of just focusing on the long term ones.

It's not like we need a November to roll around as our excuse to do this though. We should allow ourselves this gift every month and to remember how freeing it feels to write with such freedom to make mistakes. In the end, what matters is that we are writing.

Finding Your Writing Mojo

I know what you're thinking about now. Where the hell have you been? Did you slip off the face of the Earth? Join the witness protection program? What's the deal?

The answer is not anything too exciting, really. I've just been enjoying these last days with my son before he leaves for college, and trying to soak up the ones with my youngest as well, as his imminent departure has shown me how quickly those moments fly by. Admittedly, it has been a wonderful distraction. It has helped me ignore that for the last year I have completely lost my mojo somewhere under the couch and I can't seem to find it, like a lost sock or my cell phone when it's on silent.

Trying to write when the mojo is not there is like forcing a square peg into a round hole. It just doesn't work. Believe me, I tried. I've had many great ideas, but figuring out how to turn them into full-on stories has remained elusive. And it seemed like every time I would get a burst of creativity, some life event would happen that would pull my attention away like a squirrel to something shiny. But then, this summer, something amazing happened. A friend was working on a TV pilot, and offered me the opportunity to sit in the writer's room and watch as it unfolded from outline to screenplay. What was supposed to be an afternoon sitting in as a casual observer turned into a week of hands-on writing, brainstorming and learning more than I ever could have in a classroom, and as a result, this Stella got her groove back.

It's amazing how a little dose of creativity, even if it's not for your own work, can go a long way in infusing you with unbridled passion to dive in anew. I left that experience ready to tackle the stories I'd been kicking around, to sit down and outline them and see what was there, and to rediscover my writing routine and make things happen.

Although I'm not going as an actual attendee this year, I am going to the SCBWI Writer's Conference this weekend, and am looking forward to being in the company of "my people". There is something so inspiring and motivating about being around people who love to do what you do, and to hear their stories from the trenches and know that you are not alone. Though at times it can feel intimidating as you see others rise the ladder to publication while you are still treading water in the kiddie pool, writers are a really accepting, encouraging bunch. I never fail to leave there ready to roll, confident in my abilities, and I am hoping this time will be no exception.

The most important thing to remind yourself of if you find you hit a writing slump is: It's not over. You are still a writer. There is a definitive ebb and flow to the process, and you have to embrace it. And you will write far more bad stories than good ones, especially in the beginning. The most important thing is to keep writing. And if you lose that mojo, don't stop looking for it. It's probably just under the couch cushion with the loose change and the stray M&M's.